Such Different Assignments!

Here's an assignment that required writing a how-to article. For people my age, popular magazines and their articles often seek to strike a balance between the practical and the inspirational. Here's my attempt.

The Art of Living Graciously

How to Cultivate Beauty on the Inside

There’s a lot on TV and in print these days about gracious living. Usually, it’s about up scaling our personal taste in clothing, home décor, or landscaping. For most, a gracious lifestyle refers to one of beauty, wealth and leisure. Morning shows, afternoon talk shows, and a compendium of style magazines barrage us with ideas for imitating the perfect look in clothes and home and with lessons on how to cook amazing food perfectly complemented by delicious wine. Expert guests coach viewers and readers on how to cultivate a gracious personal appearance, a gracious home, and a beautiful yard.

All this implies that if we who are living chaotically in disordered houses with amateurish decorating and neglected yards, wearing untidy clothes from the last decade, and eating processed foods while consuming cheap wine can learn to copy these beautiful appearances, then we, too, will be living graciously.

I’m sorry for ranting. Especially because I’m a sucker for these kinds of how-to’s. I, too, want to live pleasantly, orderly, leisurely, and beautifully. But it bothers me that gracious living is almost completely associated with wealth and ease and beautiful appearances. Doesn’t true graciousness come from and reside inside a person?

I’m uncomfortable with the notion that graciousness is about how we look to others…how we appear. I submit that gracious living is characterized by how we act toward and treat others. It reveals a deep regard for others.

So, how can we live graciously? Here are a few thoughts for working on our inner selves and cultivating true graciousness.

1. Listen to others.

Dale Carnegie is credited with saying, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years trying to get other people interested in you.” That’s very true. Most people really want to be listened to. The trouble is that a lot of the time we’re too busy talking about ourselves to really listen to each other. A gracious person is willing to listen and to really hear what another is saying.

2. Promote others.

An old Jewish proverb advises, “Let other people praise you, even strangers; never do it yourself.” What would the world be like if Facebook statuses were kind and celebratory promotions of others instead of proclamations of who we are and what we’ve done. A gracious person tells the wonderful things about other people.

3. Be hospitable.

Entertaining is an opportunity to celebrate our guests. Sometimes, in an effort to please our company, busy preparations can cause us to lose sight of the people. While we work hard to help our guests feel comfortable, we should remember that they want to be with us, and not impressed by our stuff.

4. Be willing to overlook an offense.

Road rage, holding a grudge against a co-worker or relative, making retaliating comments in an argument: these are not traits of a gracious person. Rather, a gracious person is the “bigger person,” one who is willing to let go, forget, and move on.

5. Be modest.

We should all remember that none of us is purely the product of our own hard work. Somewhere and sometime, someone or something contributed to our accomplishments. We should be grateful and pay it forward.

Being gracious can be challenging, but it’s worth it. And with practice, we get better at it. Elsie DeWolfe, pioneer of the American interior decorating craze, put it this way, “Be pretty if you can, witty if you must, and gracious if it kills you.” Another Jewish proverb promises this, “He whose speech is gracious will have the king for a friend.” Gracious people make good friends.

~Diana Walsh

October 6, 2011